In order to have a healthy romantic relationship, you must be emotionally healthy. And, you must partner with someone that is equally yoked in emotional maturity and their commitment to grow.
Without healing we bring in emotional baggage from friendships, childhood, family, school, etc. Then, we bring in codependency, control, passive-aggression, jealousy, bitterness, etc. These emotions will slowly kill your relationship.
Have you ever experienced deep inner healing? Healing that removed patterns of behavior that were passed down from your grandparents, to your parents, and now to you?
We all need to be healed from our current pain and things that have hurt us as adults. But we also need to exit negative patterns that we have adopted from our parents or guardians – We all need to be healed from the things that plagued our parents and their parents. This takes a lot of growth and self-awareness.
I have started this journey. Prior to this, I didn’t notice how broken people were and I didn’t notice how much pain I was in. I had to learn how to love myself, trust myself, listen to God, value my opinion, understand my personality, stop people-pleasing, remove pride and entitlement, end codependent habits, and learn healthy coping mechanisms.
When I started a journey to get healing. I grew in five core areas that helped my journey: self-esteem, boundaries, awareness, emotional maturity, and vocalizing my needs.
I explain more of my journey in these articles:
– Why does God make us wait when it’s painful?
– What is the purpose of LOVE? What Is Love? How does it feel?
– Empaths Attract Narcissists; 3 Keys To End Cycle
– How I Painful Removed Memories Of Him Breaking My Heart
There is a healing power that is strong enough to remove all the hurts you have experienced in your life and help you to be more internally aware of your emotions. This power also removes all the negative patterns that you use to cope with life.
“You can experience this healing power when you read more here: God’s Healing Power.”
Jesus is the only person that can heal us. He keeps our hearts healthy. As we learn to have relationship with him we learn how to access his healing power.
1. Let GOD Heal You
To deal with pain most of us create a wall around our hearts to keep all intruders out – Including the counsel of the Holy Spirt. The only way we can feel better is by avoiding God and the problem because we aren’t capable of fixing the brokenness in our hearts. Healing our hearts is Jesus’ job, not ours. We will ALWAYS fail when we try to do a job we aren’t qualified to do.
We squirm around in our pain. We blame God for our pain. We blame others for our pain. We escape the pain and numb with drugs, sex, television, and other things that bring temporary ecstasy.
Then, some of us cause even more pain for other people – intentionally or subconsciously because we are unhealed. We continue the spiral of pain in the world in this way. Thus the saying: “hurt people hurt people.”
Let down your walls and let God heal you. The truth is you can’t love yourself or the people in your life fully if you’re unhealed. And, the more you love and understand yourself will help you pick a partner that truly is compatible to you. To learn more of how to do this, read the following article: The Good News: Starting Your Best Life Now!
2. It is best to avoid romantic relationships till you have the tools to manage your emotions.
Many of us stray from getting the healing necessary when we see a “shiny thing” in the distance.
A “shiny thing” for many of us is the lure of another “humans’ love.”
Yes, we were created to be in relationship; But, we were created to let God heal and guide us in this area. He will guide us away from harmful relationships so we can put down our defenses with the right one.
Jesus can give us “wisdom” to avoid toxic relationships and disastrous situations. With his help in relationships: We can avoid abusers. He can keep our love for others fresh and young. He can help us to forgive our loved ones. He can speak to our heart and show us the man is is a cheater.
This has not been the case in a lot of Christian dating relationships and marriages. Many people enter into chaotic situations and can’t enjoy relationships. Such relationships are centered on damage control. According to urban dictionary, Damage control means: “an attempt made to correct or rectify a situation that went wrong.”
So many of us are unhealed, then enter into “Christian” relationships with unhealed people… Then, we shut God out from the relationships. Sure, in the beginning we tend to think everything is okay even though we felt something was wrong.
But, when you notice that you or your partner don’t have the same desperation for Jesus… And, when the pain of unhealed traumas comes to the surface and raises HELL in our “Christian” relationships we do something even worse – We hide from God.
God is the source of love. If we hide from God our tanks will go empty. Other people are not meant to make us feel good, needed, complete, special, or wanted. (How To Find The Source Of Happiness & Love)
3. God Designed Relationships To Be Beautiful
What if, God never intended for us to be living to just fix problems? What if he wants us all healed up in-side so we can make good decisions and live good lives? From that place, we are able to enjoy life and bring others into that enjoyment.
What if, God intended for us to have relationship with him in the way that he did with Adam and Eve (they walked in the cool breeze in the Garden of Eden and God spoke to the often and audibly.) After all, he made them leave the garden to keep them from being immortal… No where, did he say that he would remove that intense intimate relationship where he spoke to them clearly.
Love is the Good News that Jesus brought to earth. Jesus loves us so much that he died to remove toxic emotions. Toxic emotions cause us to win when we don’t know how to deal with them properly. And, dealing with emotions in toxic ways keep us from having relationship with God.
But, He came to remove the lie that God does not love us. Also, He came to show us how to reconnect to love.
Yes, Jesus and his disciples faced emotional and physical abuse to simply tell us that he came to remove our sins. That’s crazy right? To think, that their only mission was to relay the message that toxic emotions are hard to escape but… Fortunately, Jesus will give us the power to escape it.
He wants us to escape the havoc that sin causes in our lives. So often, we date the wrong person or make the wrong decisions because we are lonely, settling, controlling, impatient, etc. And, then we have to clean up the mess. Jesus came to show us how to escape the things that cause us harm. And, avoid the mess all together.
4. Mimic the Love of Jesus Christ
If you want to enjoy healthy christian relationships you must try to be like Jesus. He was the type of person that everyone wanted to be around. The type of person that you would go near feeling horrible and leave feeling transformed and better.
Jesus was more concerned with honoring God and bringing others into the healing power of the trinity.
Jesus is patient. Jesus’ love is an example of how love provides a safe space for people to grow and mature.
Think of the humility and vulnerability of Christ. He died for us, knowing that we were sinful or had “wrong” ways of thinking/behaving. He did not force us to have his opinion. He came to earth to show us that he UNDERSTANDS why we are having such a hard time with sin. He understood our perspective so much that he knew that we needed his example to show us how to overcome sin and love others properly.
He didn’t force the disciples to believe he was the son of God. He loved them into his perspective. He showed them over and over what true love looks like. He did not get mad when they questioned his motives or did not love him in the way he deserved to be loved.
Through his loving behavior the disciples eventually realized that his LOVE was truly unconditional and beyond human understanding. This is the love we are called to. A love that does not force people into doing what we want. But a love that gives people the freedom to know we are on their side and will love them regardless of being “right” or “wrong”.
Until we are able to have relationships that don’t serve our flesh…. Both people will be fighting to meet selfish needs. Both people are called to selflessness which produces a true heavenly relationship.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:3-11