dating,  love,  marriage,  Men,  self-love,  Singleness

How To Find The Source Of Happiness & Love

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In the beginning, I wanted to receive compliments from men to feel beautiful, worthy, and amazing. Compliments from people from friends or family didn’t really do much for me. Honestly, compliments from no one did much. I never took much to heart and questioned if people were being honest… Except when a man gave me romantic attention.

I realized, I didn’t know how to receive love. And, I ended up in relationships with men that didn’t know how to receive love either. They needed to play a “protector” or “savior” role in my life, they need to feel needed. And, I needed to play a “mothering” role in their life to feel loved. We both needed to do something to feel loved.

But, when I didn’t need a protector or savior any longer, the men I dated became insecure and felt unloved. The truth is, I was their only source of love. Eventually, I was healed and didn’t need that sort of broken love. So, my ex- wasn’t interested anymore because He didn’t feel needed or loved. I felt worthless because I couldn’t do anything to make him love me.

Then, I learned that I was NEVER suppose to make anyone feel loved. And, in healthy relationships two people feel loved without each other. Together, it’s dynamic because your individual cups are filled and romantic love makes it overflow!

Humans were not meant to receive love from one person.

Individuals that look to one source for happiness usually end up disappointed and frustrated. They often fight about what each other is doing wrong or not doing at all. Such individuals are fighting because they have DEEP needs that are not being met. No one person can meet all our needs or expectations!

Related Article: 10 Emotional Needs That Destroy Relationships!

Most don’t really know what love is either. Love is not getting someone to make us feel less lonely, more special, nor complete. Love is sticking it through with people and believing the best of them at their most difficult moment. You can read more in the article What is Love? And How Does It Feel?

The truth is we are ALL made to receive love from God and our community. One person just can’t do it for anyone.

I had to learn to be loved by God. I’m a school teacher, and the kids would express their love for me often… But, I could never take it to heart. One day, a student flips around a gift on my desk that read, “The Best Teacher Ever” and the student said, “You know this is true right?” I smiled and brushed it off. In my next class, another student did the SAME thing. IT WAS SO WEIRD!

I realized, that it was God trying to speak to me. God wanted to show me I was loved. Usually, when I don’t appreciate or truly take to heart a compliment from someone… Someone unrelated says the same thing. God keeps having people repeat the same thing till I get it. Just last week, I HATED my hair and God sent almost everyone and strangers to tell me, “I love you hair.

Or, someone said yellow really brings out my eyes. I thought they were just trying to say something nice so I ignored it. Two other people that didn’t hear the conversation said the same thing. I can give you countless stories of compliments I didn’t take to heart, that others repeated. And, I’m sure you can too!

Can you take a compliment? What is God trying to tell you? Are you receiving the love that God is trying to give you?

What happens when we receive love from one source?

  1. We may develop the God Complex. It’s God’s love to make people feel loved, healed, and wanted. The complex happens when we believe that we can be everything to someone and make them feel loved. The truth is… If they have never felt loved, they will eventually feel that way with you too. Read More: Is The God Complex Hurting Your Relationships?
  2. We may grow bitter with our loved one. We may feel that they aren’t loving us how we want to be loved. However, they may not be able to. The truth is they aren’t suppose to meet all our needs for love.
  3. You may feel alone. When your partner is not able to be there or comfort you in the way you need, it may leave you feeling lonely. Everyone comforts and thinks different, that’s why it’s important to have a community of support. You may need someone with a different style when you’re going through different type of things.
  4. We develop unhealthy expectations. We may expect one person to do things they are not capable of. Perhaps, we may expect our spouse to watch love movies with us… He may not be able to stand them! That’s where you can look to friends to fill  some of your needs, if one friend or a spouse doesn’t like all the same things as you. Read 5 Ways To Avoid Unhealthy Romantic Expectations to understand this topic further.
  5. We may learn to cover the pain we feel. When we are using a person to fill our pain nothing ever gets fixed. We may start to use people as a drug to give us a high that makes every problem go away.

We were never meant to receive happiness from one source. Many people are in toxic relationships because they are receiving or giving love in an unhealthy way. No one should have the expectation that you meet all their needs. Nor, should you expect anyone to give you all the love that you are missing or craving!

Related Article: The Single Girl’s Guide To Finding Real Love

Where were we meant to receive love?

Can you hear God’s love for you through a child? Can you feel God’s love for you through a police officer deciding not to give you a ticket? Will you allow God to protect you when you felt that nudge not to drive down the street that later had a lot of traffic?

The source of love is God and he gave us the whole world. If we allow God to speak to us through His creation we will experience unlimited happiness and love. The source of happiness is learning how to hear and feel God through His creation.

I feel God’s love through compliments that I need that day from strangers. I hear God’s voice through people that say exactly what I needed to hear that day. I experience the source of happiness when I meet people that can understand me or enjoy life with me.

I believe, humanity is God’s gift to earth. In fact, God gave Adam a partner (Eve) because he said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18 Did God intend for Adam to only feel love from Eve? I don’t think so. I believe God gave them the ability to reproduce because he knew more people meant more beautiful experiences on Earth.  Therefore, he also gave them a command, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the Earth…” Genesis 1:28

When God created Adam and Eve he created the beginning of a family system. The multiplication of Adam & Eve’s DNA would eventually lead to aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, cousins, grandfathers, grandmothers,  neighbors, and friends.

Ultimately, Eve was a gift to Adam. Eve would continue to bring gifts to Adam by providing an immediate family, extended family, and community to engage with. Isn’t this a beautiful picture of how God loves humanity? That he would would bring humanity to the Earth… For us to simply be in community with?

Related Article: What is LOVE? How does LOVE feel?

At this point you may be saying it’s not safe to do relationship with everyone on Earth – That is absolutely true. Though, God never intended for toxic behaviors or relationships. God actually wanted to correct this issue when he came to Earth in human form (Jesus Christ). He wanted to show people how to access real love – Connection with himself and people.

How do you have the GREAT relationships God meant for you?

We all attract amazing people and then that fire quickly fizzles out as conflicts arise, this is an issue. We must learn how to address conflicts, so we can keep amazing people in our lives.

You must learn to love people. Learn to love people beyond their flaws. Try to stick out friendships and go through hard things with the other person. Continually try to love them too much. Then, have difficult conversations to help them understand you and love you better. If the person is difficult and abusive, love them from a distance or with boundaries.

Related Article: 6 Signs That You’re In an Abusive Relationship!

You are not meant to be alone. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?” – Ecclesiastes 4:9

9 Bible Verses To Have Great Relationships:

Romans 13:8: “Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-5: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

1 Corinthians 16:14: “Do everything in love.”

Proverbs 3:3-4: “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”

1 John 4:16: “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”

Related Article: 7 Reasons Why Advice Isn’t Working For You (Romantic + Friends)!

Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

John 15:12: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”

1 Corinthians 13:13: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Christina Daniels is the founder of Adorned Heart. She is devoted to learning about human behavior and its affects on society. She received a B.A. in Psychology and M.A. in Public Policy. She hopes to use her life and academic experience to empower & heal the hearts of women!

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