dating,  love,  Men,  toxic relationships

4 Reasons You Are Dating The Wrong Men!

Please share with others!

The reasons you are stuck in toxic patterns are complex and cannot be summed up in a quiz, article, or youtube video. People are unique; Everyone on this earth has a different personality, original experiences with people, and deal with pain in their own way.

However, I have made an attempt to generalize some of the issues that might be causing your perpetual relational issues. In my Youtube video, Why Am I Attracting The Wrong Men?, I give four main reasons that may be causing you to be stuck in unhealthy relationships. I also explain ways you can grow in those four areas in my Youtube video, 4 Ways To Attract Mr. Right!

Why do I attract losers, narcissists, married men, weirdos, toxic and immature men? 

In my videos, I suggested that you are dating the wrong men because there are aspects of your heart that need healing. I also highlight four main areas you can grow-in to change your relational patterns.

I know. I know. It takes two to tango. But, you can’t change the internal state of the man your dating… Can you? Nope! But, you can change who you decide to dance with.

Are you dancing with a partner and you both keep stepping on each others toes? If you’re like me… You got lessons to fix the bad tango dance! But, you soon noticed that he  is still stepping on your shoes!

Sister, you deserve to dance with a man that is committed to learning and perfecting the dance of love. Yes, YOU! You deserve harmony as you both learn to step rhythmically together. If you got lessons.. Why can’t he?

Take the Quiz: Why are you attracting and dating the wrong men? The quiz will reveal one of the four reasons located below that are causing you to date the wrong men!

As you watch my videos and take the quiz, I strongly suggest you take my advice as a small glimpse of  your emotional red flags. To understand your unique relational patterns, I strongly suggest counseling or mentorship. Each of us have had bad things happen to us or have experienced negative emotions– such things can take a toll on our relationships without us even knowing! Expert advice helps us to see things about ourselves and others, that have gone unnoticed!

Take the Quiz: Why are you attracting and dating the wrong men? The quiz will reveal one of the four reasons located below that are causing you to date the wrong men!

*DISCLAIMER: Just because you have traits of one of the following does not mean that you are dating the wrong man! Also, everyone has areas of weakness and room for growth. This blog is to enlighten to potential patterns by using generalizations. Use the tools as a GUIDE and remember the information may NOT fully apply to you.

Related Article: 4 Ways To Attract Mr. Right

4 Reasons You Are Dating The Wrong Men:

1. You Don’t Vocalize Your Needs

You have difficulty communicating your likes and dislikes in a relationship.

You may forget that people can’t read your mind!  You may expect your partner to just know why you’re upset. When you are in a relationship it’s either all about you or all about the other person. You may also find yourself in one-sided relationships; One person is giving a lot and the other person is taking a lot. You tend to be selfless or needy in the relationships.

SELFLESS WOMEN: You may be very understanding and empathetic to the needs of others. If your loved one forgot your birthday because it was an emotional stressful time for them — You’ll gladly forgive him. You’re so forgiving that it actually did not even hurt your feelings that he forgot. However, after a period of time where they continue to forget about you… It starts to take a toll. You once got a high from making him feel loved but now your tank is low and you have nothing left to give him!

You may eventually enter the path of resentment and bitterness; It may seem that the people you care about don’t really care about you. It seems that everyone is out for themselves! You may become the selfish person in relationships if don’t vocalize unmet needs. By being overly selfless, you may also miss warning signs that your man is extremely selfish. When you start vocalizing your needs he may turn into another person and lash out on you!

Related Article: QUIZ: Are you codependent?

THE NEEDY WOMAN: You may be tired of people taking your kindness for weakness. Were you once the selfless woman? Maybe, you are afraid of being taken advantage of?  Either way, you end up making the relationship about you. You tend to point out any moment that he does something that seems “selfish”. You keep tabs on who did what, and when! You tend to make him cater to your low self-esteem (reason 2) and punish him emotionally (reason 4) when he does something that you dislike. But, you never had a healthy discussion about what you both need in the relationship. All the problems are based on you assuming that he understands how you think. You may be irritated by everything because you really don’t know what you want or how to communicate it!

Therapy can help you to understand what you need and how to vocalize it in a healthy way!

2. You Have Low Self-Esteem

You may be dating the wrong men because you don’t realize how AWESOME and BEAUTIFUL  you are!

Related Article: Why do Empaths and People Pleasers Attract Narcissists? 3 Keys To End The Cycle

You may be settling. You may be making your boyfriend bend over backward to please you. Could you be sabotaging your relationship? Constantly questioning and accusing your man? Or, the men you attract may also have low self-esteem? They may feel comfortable that you’re fragile; this makes them less afraid  that you’ll leave them.

The men you are dating may run hot and cold due to their own low self-esteem; They may fear losing you or looking weak.   In such cases, they may become scared and use different toxic strategies to feel powerful, keep you with them, and/or make you weaker than them! These men think you would choose better partners if you felt that the type of men you’d want existed or would be interested in you.

*Not all women with low self-esteem date severely destructive men. But for the ones that do: Do you end up dating men that are controlling, narcissistic, arrogant, jealous, aggressive, always the victim, non-committal, blames others, abusive, cheaters, or that have addictions?

You may be use at least one of these phrases: “If you loved me you would ____fill in the blank___,” “I have never felt loved,” “I promise I’ll change,” “You should of known!” “I’m not going to answer that because you should trust me,” or  “Im jealous because you were too friendly with the guys,” “I like where we are. Why do we need a title?” “I cheated or hit you because you didn’t ___fill in the blank___,” “Why are you accusing me?” “You don’t think about me!” and blame shifting, “I forgot your birthday because you are always stressing me out!”

This cycle of giving into his unhealthy emotional needs is dangerous. In love we have to grow, the type of men you are dating refuse to grow and will get frustrated when their tactics do not work on you any longer. When you start getting healthy self-esteem and  his little compliments or presents don’t work anymore… His true colors start to show.  Some men will leave and some will intensify the abusive cycle within the relationship due to fear of losing you or losing control. Healthy men will listen to your needs and seek growth.

Therapy can help you to build positive self-esteem and to believe that you deserve a man that is just as amazing as you are!

3. You Lack Boundaries & Awareness!

You let men in your space too quickly or you don’t notice warning signs in your relationships!

Read More: How To Avoid The Wreckage When Your Drunk In Love

Are you a hopeless romantic that day dreams about the perfect relationship? Do you tend to date men that start off seemingly perfect then they end up showing their laundry list of flaws? You might find yourself saying, “He was so different in the beginning” or “He use to be so ___fill in the blank____”. Sister, everyone has flaws!  Don’t give him access to your heart, time, apartment, body, etc. after knowing him for 30 days or even a couple of months!  Follow your gut instinct.  Take your time and slowly get to know men.  True personalities will be revealed over time.

Women tend to allow Jekyll and Hyde’s (Men who change from good to bad) into their lives because they missed the warning signs. In the beginning, everything was perfect and he did or said everything right.  You may have been dazzled by his job, or the expensive dinners, or maybe it was love songs that he sent to you. You felt he was trustworthy and you let him into your heart and space entirely… Even though, you had a gut feeling that something was not right.

Related Post: What Causes Toxic Relationships?

Everyone has flaws. Everyone has bad days. If your man seems amazing everyday in the beginning (He says and does all the right things) chances are he may be emotionally unstable. This may be a sign that he has extreme emotional highs and lows. In the highs everything is PERFECT and in the LOWS he is raising hell everywhere.

Therapy can help you to be aware of warning signs and implement actions steps to take relationships slow.

4. You Can Be Emotionally Immature Sometimes!

You might not handle your emotions or conflict in a healthy way. You tend to date men that are emotionally immature as well. Emotionally immature men tend to be competitive, passive, or overly aggressive.

Related Article: Are You The Queen Of Petty?

COMPETITIVE MEN: The men you tend to attract are highly competitive, aggressive, may view women as trophies, and love to chase women. You may be the type of person that enjoys the chase in the relationship. You believe that you should make him wait for your phone calls, seem less available, and play little games to keep him interested. Once in a relationship, the man you are dating may feel he has won you and move on to his next conquest – another woman, new car, more money, etc.  You may feel a coldness in the relationship; You let him know you are frustrated through petty acts, silent treatments, and/or stone-walling. You may feel the relationship is good when others are around; You also start to wonder if he only cares to show off your beauty and this seemingly “perfect” relationship. You may end up feeling insecure because you always have to look and behave a certain way to keep his attention.

PASSIVE MEN: You tend to date men that are extremely passive; They may “put-up” with you for the sake of peace but they may grow to be unhappy because the relationship is all about you.  You may also be the type of person that is extremely emotional. You are easily angered or easily annoyed. You may be someone with strong emotions who lacks proper self-control. If someone hurts your feelings you may lash out, give them the silent treatment, exit the relationship, become passive aggressive, punish them through pettiness, etc. You may believe that people need to change so you can feel comfortable around them. It may seem like everyone else is the problem. Do you leave room for people to grow?  Are you impatient? Do you often point out everything your partner is doing wrong? You may also have a hard time forgiving people, letting small things go, and sticking it out with people during hardships.

Related Article: 8 Keys For Healthy Interactions With Men

Therapy can help you to manage your emotions in a healthy way. Also, to identify men that are emotionally ideal for a relationship.

Christina Daniels is the founder of Adorned Heart. She is devoted to learning about human behavior and its affects on society. She received a B.A. in Psychology and M.A. in Public Policy. She hopes to use her life and academic experience to empower & heal the hearts of women!


  • Shavon

    Hi …. So a really co-dependent, toxic, manipulative relationship ended last Spring. I’m recently 30 and single with no children. I feel like I should just get used to the fact that I could be alone forever because I feel like my last relationship scarred me into believing that all men like to look at other women, have women friends that are making you uncomfortable and are manipulative. But on the other side I feel like my standards have grown so high that I won’t ever find anyone. I did get started finally on my nursing career, I work full time, and I’m trying to discover some self growth, How to I let loose and allow myself to take life as is and not be afraid of being alone forever.

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