dating,  love,  Singleness,  toxic relationships

How to Avoid Toxic Relationships When You’re Drunk in Love

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I remember the day my boyfriend at the time texted me the most gravity-defying “sweet nothing” of a message. As a person whose primary love language is “Words of Affirmation”, his message sent me over the moon to a far away land called “Stupid”. I was dumbstruck and utterly intoxicated! 

Mind you, we had only been dating for ONE WEEK! But in that moment, I felt as if I could have married him right there & then. [Let me stop acting cute…]

What I ACTUALLY felt like I wanted to do was to have his baby that very second! 

Thank GOD he lived 3 hours away.

There I was, floating up to the third heaven of young love’s oblivion when a wee, little, voice of wisdom popped into my head. It said, “Danger; danger!! Seek help now!

Somehow, something in me knew that I was not sober and needed to reach out to someone who could help me reground myself.

And ground me, the friend I called, did! Her words were short and direct. “Naida, slow down! You’ve just met him. You don’t know him. Chill.” 

Related QUIZ: Why are you attracting the wrong men?

If I were honest, those words hurt. They “killed my buzz”.

I was low-key so mad, I was planning on never calling her for help in my vulnerability again! But MAN was she right!

Fast forward to a couple of months later and the issues that my ‘rose-colored glasses’ so graciously covered became glaringly apparent! It’s no surprise we broke up…

Looking back, my gratitude for this friend (and the many friends that have been sounding boards for me in my relationships) is massive!

This brings me to a very important aspect of successful dating that I feel people often neglect: the need to make yourself vulnerable to a few trusted people who can speak into your blind spots! 

It is so tempting to isolate yourself and begin brushing relationship issues under the rug when you’re head over heels for someone. But your best friends KNOW YOU and are keenly aware of what mattered to you before your inebriation caused you to start deviating from your own standards. Sadly what often happens is if a friend speaks up about something that seems “off” you suddenly make them the enemy or a “hater that won’t let you live your best life.” 

I’m not saying that everyone you date will be an awful person that your friends need to protect you from. But I am saying that if you want to have the best chance at healthily navigating the “honeymoon stage” of a relationship, then read on to learn How to Avoid Wreckage When You’re Drunk in Love. 

Related QUIZ: Why are you attracting the wrong men?

3 Ways To Avoid Wreckage When You’re Drunk in Love

#1 Acknowledge That Your State of Mind is Altered 

Admit it: love is blind. Especially new love. It induces a drug-like euphoria that renders the reasoning part of your brain useless and places a filter called perfection on everything it beholds! —be it a true treasure or straight crap! 

The fact of the matter is that the experience of finding a significant other and connecting in mutual affection—is other worldly! Suddenly everything makes you smile, you can’t get them off your mind, and even their most annoying trait is “cute”. 

“Bae can literally do no wrong!” ha

But your friends are out here looking at you like, “Are you serious? Don’t you see x, y, & z?” 

No; no you don’t! 

READ ARTICLE: 4 Ways To Attract Mr. Right!

This is precisely the line in the sand that separates those that become enlightened and those who will go through the same destructive cycles over and over again: It’s how quickly a person is able to acknowledge that they’re not thinking straight right now and it’s OKAY! There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s actually quite wonderful! 

Love is exhilarating—it’s rich. It’s that magnetic, electric, hot-blood thumping kind of good stuff!

Anyone who has experienced it knows it and the rest of the world is always looking for it because it’s that delicious!

That said, when we’re in it, why in the world do we try to pretend that “we’re good and don’t need help”? You are clearly on FIRE! Worst yet, we try to make major life decisions from that place and swear we know exactly what we’re doing on the road of life. Sound familiar? Ever heard of driving under the influence? 

Word to the wise: Stop this foolishness!

The quicker you acknowledge your altered state is the quicker you can accept that in this place, one is prone to ignoring major red flags. But if you’ll humble yourself and put your defensiveness/pride to the side, you’ll be able to catch the warning signs that’ll help you avoid common ditches. 

Related Article: The Single Girl’s Guide To Finding Real Love

Bottom line is you’ll be drunk in love. And drunk people don’t have to pretend they’re not; they just need to ride the wave and surround themselves with sober friends who can get them home safely. 

Which brings me to my next point: 

#2 Choose Your “Designated Drivers” Ahead of Time

What I mean by that is if you’re not yet in love, identify the people you can trust NOW who you know will beat sense into you when you start losing your mind! 

These are friends, mentors, siblings or counselors who you know care about you, have your best interest in mind, and love you enough to keep it 100 with you. They will call your bluff, tell you like it is and remind you of who you are! 

Intentionally decide to hide nothing from them and give them permission to call you out if they see fit!

That said, be prepared for some of their honest feedback to piss you off! Why? Because there’s nothing like love that will make you want to fight any perceived threat to your happiness. You’re in your feels and even the slightest question will most likely make you want to retreat. Or worst, you’ll want to turn on those people and end up isolated. Next thing you know, your friends don’t come around anymore and cue the, “I didn’t need them anyway! It’s just you and me baby!” 

Related Article: The Single Girl’s Guide To Finding Real Love

Don’t do it to yourself.

Resist the urge to close off and instead, use the objective perspectives of close ones as a resource. Because as you know, what goes up must come down. And when that blissful, Cloud Nine begins to dissipate, you’ll be pleased to see you’ve still got friends!  And you can now tackle the continuation (or ending) of that romantic relationship with a level head. 

Ultimately you have the last word about what you do or don’t do. But wise is the person who can acknowledge their vulnerable state, keep trusted ones near, and then sincerely consider what they have to say with an open mind and willing spirit—even when it hurts a little. 

Related Article: Am I In a Toxic Relationship? 6 Signs You Are!

#3 What if I’m the Sober Friend?

On the other side of this coin, if you are a friend with a loved one who is defensive and/or blindly walking into what you feel is a bad situation, here’s my biggest advice to you: LET GO. 

You can’t control them. It is, after all, their life. 

Now before you get mad at me for not trying to save your friend from imminent destruction, here’s another thing I want to say: if you truly love this friend, the best thing you can do is surround them with the softest, fluffiest landing pad to catch them if/when they fall! In the meantime, try to speak the truth in love, show your excitement for the BEAUTIFUL things they actual are experiencing. And pepper it all with words of caution when you can. 

Pray for them. Trust God. Rinse and repeat.And if after all of this, they still decide to go through with it all, you’ve got to make peace with that.
We must allow others to learn from their own mistakes. At the same time, some people actually defy the odds and end up waking up to a great person on the other side of their drunkenness! 

Related Article: Am I In a Toxic Relationship? 6 Signs You Are!

If, however, that’s not the case with your friend, resist the urge to pull an “I told you so” when they come crashing down from their high. Instead, cover them, let them cry on your shoulder, and be the kind of friend you’d want them to be to you if/when you start floating…

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