I believe many people haven’t discovered their true self and are carrying their childhood trauma into adult relationships. Without healing, the trauma can suffocate the love within us and/or cause us to choose mates that are incompatible with us.
With the right preparation, I believe marriage can be such a heavenly experience.
I was codependent, insecure, and a people pleaser. I ended up dating men that were insecure, codependent, and people pleasers. In these relationships, I was looking for love, so I believed I had to make them feel a certain way to deserve being loved back. I realized that I wanted to be the most powerful experience they had and that was apart of my insecurity and God complex. Lastly, I realized that we really do attract others with a similar level of healing as us. So, I decided I needed to escape this path and begin healing from the things that cause me to enter into dysfunctional relationships.
Honestly, preparation for marriage can be done whether you are single or engaged. Our patterns present themselves in the friends we attract and how we deal with our family issues as well. Whatever external cycle that is repetitive is an indicator of something that we need to heal within ourselves. So it’s important to do the hard work and evaluate your patterns. Taking the proper steps to healing and breaking unhealthy cycles can help you be proactive for your current or future relationship.
Take the quiz, to see if you Are Ready For Marriage? The quiz includes 32 statement to assess if you are not ready for marriage.
8 Tips to Prepare Marriage:
If you are looking to learn how to get ready for marriage you can follow these steps to guide you in the right direction.
- Awareness: Are you able to properly evaluate your emotional health and maturity? Do you have an awareness that marriage requires preparation? Acknowledging that you need emotional healing and work will help get the ball rolling in addressing things that could negatively impact your marriage.
- Self-discovery: Many people enter into relationships looking for the other person to make them feel good, happy, and complete. The expectations, obligations, and needs that we seek from our partner can become overwhelming. One person wasn’t meant to erase our pain, loneliness, unhappiness, fear, and disappointments. Whatever pain you have before marriage will emerge later on. And it’s easier to heal when you’re not tethered to someone else.
- Authentic Self: The more you know yourself before marriage will help you to be sure you are picking a partner that is truly complimentary to your personality, strengths, and weaknesses.
- Coping: How do you cope with tension and pain? Do you avoid tension? Do you get pushy and want to handle confrontation right away? Do you get manipulative, controlling, or passive when you’re met with confrontation? The way we handle conflict and pain can be a major cause of tension within our marriage. Ultimately, if we handle our pain in a dysfunction pattern it will negatively affect all the relationships in our lives.
- Support system: You’re never going to be PERFECT before getting married. But, do you have wise counsel? Do you have the tools to understand why you are triggering? Ultimately, you need to put yourself in a position to get the support you need to help you get through rough patches.
- Spirituality: I believe we need a higher power to truly help us forgive, love, and keep going when relationships get hard.
- Growth: Ensure that you are always seeking to grow into a better person and choose someone that finds growth just as attractive as you.
- Compatibility: Ensure that you are dating someone that is truly compatible. Compatible doesn’t just mean you both like the same movies, each the same food, and enjoy the same jokes. Compatibility means you both have the same morals, you both seek to show Godly character in the hard moments, you both have the same financial and family goals, and you both can compliment each other’s weaknesses in different ways.
Ultimately, you can be so infatuated with your partner that you miss all the red flags that you’re not ready for marriage Or that you are getting married soon.
33 Signs You’re Not Ready For Marriage
- You feel alone and unhappy without your partner
- You have trouble being your authentic self
- You don’t know their weaknesses
- You think their red flags aren’t a big deal
- You don’t notice personality differences
- You both avoid confrontation or have explosive confrontations
- There are unhealthy behaviors present (manipulation, control, blame-shifting, etc.)
- You expect your partner to fill you needs
- No one in your life can give you constructive criticism about your relationship
Read 33 more signs in the Are You Ready to Get Married? quiz!
6 Resources for Marriage Preparation:
- 3 Tips to Break Toxic Generational Patterns NOW!
- 4 Step Single Girl’s Guide To Finding Your Soulmate!
- 4 Secrets for Healthy Christian Relationships!
- Ultimate Guide To Set Christian Dating Boundaries!
- Toxic Relationship Quiz: Am I In A Toxic Entanglement Test?!
- 9+ Christian Books For Marriage & Dating!
- 10 Emotional Needs That Destroy Relationships!
- 3 Marriage Ready Mindset Goals
Preparing For Marriage God’s Way:
God wants us to develop a deep relationship with him. Most people put their partner as their GOD. Is your partner your everything – your source of happiness, love, finances, and safety?!
I would date men that had never felt loved and I thought I would make them feel loved. I was a people-pleaser, enabler, and was afraid to set boundaries and say no. I dated people that didn’t accept blame, wanted me to satisfy all their needs, and would blow up if I set boundaries or said no. We were the perfect dysfunctional match.
Related Article: Waiting on God: 6 Reasons Pain Prepares You!
God wants us to fix those things before we get married. If we don’t fix those things we end up having to deal with them in marriage. And, it’s harder to work on ourselves when two people don’t know themselves or the root causes of their pain and behaviors.
How do I know if Im ready to get married? You know that you are ready for marriage when you are able to carefully evaluate whether the person is a good emotional and spiritual fit.
How do you pray to get married soon? You need to tap into the 5 secrets for powerful prayers that will open the pathway for marriage.
What are the major signs a woman is ready for marriage? A woman is ready for marriage when she is emotional and spiritually secure. A woman that is confident and knows how to find happiness outside of a relationship will make a terrific match. Why? Because she isn’t afraid to leave any situation that is toxic or below her standards.
Why do I want to get married all of a sudden? Perhaps, God is awakening that desire in you so that you are prepared for him to bring you the right person? I don’t want to over spiritualize it, but God made us to be connected with another romantically.
What is the best age to get married? Why? There is no proper age for getting married. Some people have gone through the pain and healing of a 60 year old at the age of 29. More than age, It’s important to look for someone that is emotionally and spiritually on a path to total healing and awakening.