MYTH: You DON’T Attract Who You Are!
dating,  self-love,  toxic relationships

4 Reasons You Attract Who You Are!

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The term “you attract what you are” is somewhat true, but slightly misleading. This phrase removes the fact that — Someone noticed YOU because you’re amazing.

You cannot control that someone noticed your internal and outer beauty. Essentially, who you attract initially is outside of your control. Instead, let’s evaluate why you keep people in your life that do not align with the qualities of your desired partner.

You’re Unique & Attractive

Your smile, laugh, personality, sense of humor, interests, musical preferences, kindness, physical appearance, eyes, thought processes, food choices, hobbies, and intellect are all unique qualities that are specific to you. This means that when someone looks at you, they see an amazing individual who is deserving of love and respect.

People engage with you on purpose. They are attracted to your energy, personality, and uniqueness. Maybe you’re soft and gentle? Or, maybe you’re opinionated and feisty? Perhaps, you are mixture of sweet and spicy with a pinch of adventure and tomboyish-ness?!?! Either way, people are attracted to YOU and they want to be around YOU! Don’t believe it? Well you should and if you don’t then you may be struggling with low self-esteem… because, you are someone’s PERFECT dream partner.

You Attract What You Put Out

It’s important to focus on creating an attitude and mindset where you communicate to yourself and others that you’re selective with who gets access to your treasures (heart, mind, body, and soul). Essentially, you want to exude an energy that communicates your exclusivity, sending a clear message to those around you that they must meet your standards.

You want to exude an energy that communicates your exclusivity.

It’s like applying for a job with a rigorous hiring process and detailed procedures; if someone feels inadequate or not up for the task, they won’t bother applying (Remember, the unqualified will still try, but we’re just reducing their likelihood). Similarly, if you radiate an energy that demands respect and only accepts healthy relationships, you’ll accept partners who are up for the challenge of meeting your expectations.

If you project an air of confidence and self-respect, individuals who are insecure and have predatory tendencies will know that you are not an easy target. As a result, you will only entertain healthy partners who appreciate your qualities and are drawn to your strong and positive energy.

Do you want to show up as confident, amazing, and lovable to the world? When you show up positively then you’ll attract what you put out! So, let me teach you access self-love that will help you attract the right men in your life. Find Mr. Right with these four strategies!

What type of guys do I attract?

You attract guys that are interested in you. They saw you and felt your energy and it was great. So, the real question is: why do you allow unhealthy guys to stick around in your life?

If you’re tired of dating the wrong men and want to break the cycle, I’ve got something for you. Take this quiz and discover the top four reasons why you’re attracting the wrong type of guys into your life. Not only will the quiz help you identify these patterns, but it will also provide you with actionable tips to change them for good.

Let’s face it, you deserve someone who treats you with love and respect. And by healing these areas, you’ll be one step closer to finding that person. So, are you ready to break the cycle and attract the right guy for you? Take the quiz now and let’s get started!

Related QUIZ: Why are you attracting the wrong men?

4 Tips On How to Attract The Right Man:

Attracting men is a simple process if you have the proper skills and approach the process with emotional health. In fact, there are four core areas that I believe will help anyone spot Mr. Right. The four core areas are:

  1. Self-esteem – valuing and respecting yourself, and refusing to tolerate mistreatment or disrespect from others.
  2. Boundaries / Awareness – recognizing the motives and potential toxicity of others, and setting appropriate boundaries to protect your emotional and mental well-being.
  3. Vocalizing Your Needs – effectively communicating your wants and needs in a respectful and clear manner.
  4. Emotional Maturity – approaching relationships with emotional intelligence, calmness, and logical thinking, while avoiding impulsivity and reactive behavior.

You can read more on these four areas in the article 4 keys to find Mr. Right! I explain how to meet the right guy is like job-hunting. You should be in a relationship where you are both amazed by the opportunity and work to provide a good environment with room for growth. Ultimately, you both should carry a growth mindset and journey on the same path of healing together.

I suggest that you are dating unhealed men because you have unhealed areas within yourself.

What kind of guys do I attract? I suggest you are keeping men that are insecure, don’t know how to communicate, are emotionally immature, and don’t have boundaries…. Because, you lack these core things as well. When you learn to do these things in your life you will be able to spot men that aren’t. Then, you can decide to date them, help them on their growing process, or leave them!

Related Video: 4 Ways to Attract Mr. Right

Why Do I Attract Married Men?

Once again, you attract men because you are amazing. There isn’t something wrong with you that makes married men come up to you. Cheaters that are single, married, or dating will find a way to cheat because that’s the way they deal with their problems. Yes, cheaters use sex and emotional affairs to deal with their pain.

You are most likely KEEPING these men in your life because you are very empathetic, insecure, lonely, emotionally stuck, and/or fun. These men are looking for an escape from the pain in their life, relationships, and job. There is something about your personality that makes him feel relaxed, free, and loved.

Related Quiz: Am I An Empath?

You must learn that he is taking from you because you are amazing. However, He will leave you empty and make you unhappy just like he did to his wife.

He loved his wife because of her energy.

But, when his wife’s energy ran low he didn’t give her anything. He started looking for the energy outside of his home. Some of these men may leave their wife thinking, “We fell out of love.”

However, the cycle will repeat. Once he sucks the amazing energy from your life… He will find another woman and cheat. The truth is, he has unhealthy coping skills and he is looking for love in all the wrong places. He needs to be healed by God. He has a broken heart that no human can fix and fill with love.

It is a MYTH that what you attract is a reflection of you.

Additional FAQs

Do you attract what you are?

“You are what you attract” is not entirely accurate in the way that most people promote it. The truth is, there are many people on this planet who are unhealed or incompatible with you. Most people haven’t been trained to detect who is and isn’t for us. This leads us to date someone for a while before realizing this fact.

You are amazing, and you don’t attract unhealthy partners because you’re terrible. That is incorrect. However, the reason you keep unhealthy partners in your life may be due to your own trauma and areas that require growth and healing.

The saying “you attract what you are, not what you want” means that if you are broken, you may end up staying with other broken individuals. The truth is, when we are hurting, it becomes difficult to recognize and evaluate whether someone else is emotionally healthy or not. Pain can damage our ability to see clearly, which is why it’s important to prioritize our own healing before seeking out a partner.

Do you attract what you fear?

We tend to attract what we fear in life. I believe God allows it to happen, so that we can deal with the area of 5-fear.

The Bible instructs us “do not fear” so many times and He wants us to live confidently.

Here are verses that affirm that you attract what you are in the Bible:

  • If you just want a relationship to make you feel better or make you feel loved, you aren’t fully seeking it for the right reason. God is suppose to fill us. “And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.” James 4:3
  • “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” – Proverbs 23:7
  • When you live a Godly life to please God, and get healed… God will give you his best. “Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” Galatians 6:8
  • “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4 Delight in the Lord? We need to spend time getting to know God. As we get to know God through reading the Bible we learn what to ask for. We learn what God would want us to pray for. What He wants is His will for this earth, His will is for all his children to know He loves them. His will is often not our will. We have to learn how much God loves us to show others the same love. Our prayers should be centered on experiencing His real love and allowing others to experience it to.

Christina Daniels is the founder of Adorned Heart. She is devoted to learning about human behavior and its affects on society. She received a B.A. in Psychology and M.A. in Public Policy. She hopes to use her life and academic experience to empower & heal the hearts of women!

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