How to live a soft life
Femininity,  healing,  Lifestyle,  love,  Racial Issues

How to Live a Soft Life: 12 Tips!

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Living the soft life is about realizing that life isn’t a game, competition, or performance. It’s a movement to stop giving into the result-driven demands of a capitalistic society and ENJOY your right now.

The soft lifestyle is a chance to practice mindfulness and connect with the divine within us.

Let’s face it Sis’, this world is constantly forcing us to be and do the impossible.

And, in pursuit of excellence, so many of us women have forsaken our overall wellness. 

What is the meaning of the soft life?

The soft life is a movement started by black women. Some interpret the soft life to mean a lazy lifestyle. We know the motivation is untrue by just looking at the work ethic in the black community.

A study in 2020 revealed that black women were the MOST educated group of people in America. However, “while Black women continue to pursue higher education at increasing rates, they make up only eight percent of private sector jobs.

Lotang Mokena explained, “It is important to understand that this social movement is less about wealth and more about fair access to a standardized good quality of living.” She further explained, “a soft life [is] advocated particularly by millennials and Gen Zs, who have witnessed their parents work extremely hard just to afford them a good-quality life.

Similarly, Urban Dictionary defines the meaning of the Soft Life as:

  • Where you make decisions that leave you feeling stress free and vibrating higher.
  • Less about wealth (though it helps) and more about making good choices.
  • Cancelling/rejecting plans with problematic friends & family members 

How to Live a Soft Life

The soft life isn’t an excuse to be lazy and live off the wealth of others.

It’s permission for women, especially those of color, to let go of the need to do it all. Essentially, you can breathe and celebrate the right now and release the fear of not meeting the expectations of others.

1. treat yourself

Sweetie, if you have extra it’s okay to spend it wisely. It’s okay to spend money on yourself outside of emergencies. You are worth investing in. Stop forcing yourself to cook every night and enjoy delivered food. You’re tired and you deserve it. Don’t worry about the copay for a therapist or the cost of an empowerment coach, do it if it’ll get you in the right head space to move forward.

Buy the more expensive quality because it will last longer. Get the better hotel because you’ll sleep better. Do what you need to make sure you’re not suffering from cheap choices. If you need more money for self-care and self-love then it’s okay to get a peaceful side hustle to fund your soft lifestyle.

Related Article: 5 Steps to Level Up as a Woman

2. start your day right

Try to start your day slow and gentle. It is best to avoid waking up and rushing or getting straight to work mode. This will cause your body to live in a state of hyper drive. Slow down, sip your tea and breathe in the air around you. Take the time to center yourself and start your day with gratitude.


3. take your sick days

Do you take your sick days before your unbearably sick? Sweetheart, stop forcing yourself to show up and show out at work while sick physically and mentally. It’s not wise to give your job your everything and have nothing left for yourself and loved ones.

The little bonus you get for not missing a day is NOT worth your physical health and peace.

4. be feminine and gentle

I know some of you have been fighting all your life. But, I’m giving you permission to choose softness, femininity, vulnerability, openness, and peace.

You can and you should choose healthy situations and people that treat you gently. Sweetheart, you deserve softness. You deserve relationships where people honor your femininity.

Also, speak gentle and positive words to yourself. Don’t judge yourself, criticize yourself, and shame yourself for making mistakes. You can use these self-love affirmations and journal prompts to expand your devotion to yourself.

“Just because you are soft doesn’t mean you are not a force. Honey and wildfire are both the colour gold.” ― Victoria Erickson


5. you’re worthy

Sweetie, you are worthy of respect, love, and peace. It’s okay to get outside help to evaluate/decide what isn’t promoting your self-worth. Because you definitely, don’t have to stay in toxic friendships, jobs, and friendships. You have a choice.

6. it’s okay to be single

I know everyone thinks something is wrong when you’re happy being single, but who cares? No drama is better than a toxic partner. In 2023, we are not advocating for struggle love. It’s okay to let them heal and allow them to come back when they’re ready to be in a grown relationship.


7. boundaries matter

You don’t have to keep talking to auntie sally or uncle pete because it makes your mom happy. You’re allowed to cut anyone you want out of your life. Especially, if they refuse to change and apologize.

Also, know your place in the lives of others. Don’t play therapist, doctor, protector, or provider for your friends. Over-extending yourself is an open door for burn-out and bitterness.

What do I mean? If someone shares their problem it’s okay to withhold your opinion and advice. It’s not your responsibility to fix their issues. When someone needs money, it’s okay not to offer. And you definitely don’t have to pick up the phone for anyone when you’re not in the mood.

Related Article: 5 Steps On How To Move In Silence

8. why compete?

Sis’ don’t you see how amazing you are. You’re killin’ the game. And you’re unique, so NO one can do what you do, the way you do it. So, why compete?

Instead, live from confidence and faith. God made you to excel in a certain arena and nothing in hell can stop that.

And don’t forget, every women is your sister. Help her and it will always come around to bless you.

Women that are emotionally well and love themselves are the true winners.

9. trust the process

Work hard and consistently, but don’t kill yourself. God is in control and he will take you where you’re suppose to go. No human can close a door that God wants to open for you. No one can stop him from elevating you. So position yourself. Be ready. But, don’t move in fear and work yourself into the ground to make it.

10. release social pressures

Release what your mom, dad, family, teacher, and the world expects. Don’t fall prey to the idea of a working woman that can also do everything in the home. Or the woman that needs to look a certain way and have certain things to get to the next level. Live your life from a place of authenticity and connection with the spirit of God within you. He will guide you into all truth and good things.

Live your life from a place of authenticity!

11. don’t stress

Don’t stress yourself by wasting brain space on things that don’t matter. Release all the big and little things that are causing you to harden up. This includes letting go of the anger, pain, and un-forgiveness.

Let go of the need to prove yourself. And don’t forget to let go of the fear of what people think.

Make big moves in silence and enjoy each day.

12. accept help

It’s okay to embrace help. It doesn’t make you weak or selfish. If you need it, you need it.

  • Ask your partner, family, or friends for help.
  • Hire a nanny, cleaner, or cook.
  • Ask your boss for more time or help.
  • Join a workout program.
  • Buy the coaching session or course!

13. who are you rushing for?

Don’t kill yourself trying to complete tasks. Stop trying to work outside of work hours on projects. Respect your personal time.

You can use work/time boundary prompts to evaluate what’s cause you to overwork: Are you trying to be successful to stop your family from judging you? Do you believe all your problems will go away when you get to the next level? Unfortunately, the problems and judgments don’t ever go away. Slow down and allow God to direct your timeline. You deserve it.

I would love to hear more about your life and help you make steps towards your dream life. Interested? Try Empowerment Coaching, your first 20 minute consultation is free!


Living a soft life is not an escape from difficult moments. It’s a choice to release situations and people that aren’t worth extra energy. I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer to do difficult things with good people. Not live a hard life because I’m allowing the difficult people and situations that are unhealthy to bring me down.

Christina Daniels is the founder of Adorned Heart. She is devoted to learning about human behavior and its affects on society. She received a B.A. in Psychology and M.A. in Public Policy. She hopes to use her life and academic experience to empower & heal the hearts of women!


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