Empaths Attract Narcissists in Relationship: 3 Keys To End Cycle!

As I read online, there is a lot of anger targeted toward men and women with dysfunctional and narcissistic tendencies. Trust me, I understand why. Yet, I feel there isn’t much conversation centered around why empaths attract narcissists and the reasons people get lured into their sticky webs.

My curiosity led me to ask myself these questions: Why do you enter relationships with people who have never felt loved or who are highly self-absorbed? Why do you stay when you realize the relationship is one-sided? Why do you mostly date people who want to take more than they give? Do victims of narcissists have a strong tendency to people-please and enable toxic behavior?

What do Empaths Attract Narcissists?

After deep thought, I realized something by evaluating my own relational patterns. The dysfunctional men I dated had never typically “felt loved” or “worthy” of my love. And love — that soul-deep, unconditional kind — is like a little taste of heaven. It’s the most powerful emotional “high” the human mind can experience.

So, they seek partners who are deeply drawn to them, who will give them that love high — something that makes them feel power-FULL and whole. But here’s the twist: the dysfunctional partner doesn’t want just anyone. They need someone emotionally tuned-in, intuitive, and healing — someone who will see them not as they are, but as they wish to be seen.

That’s where the empath comes in. Empaths have a deep desire to nurture, understand, listen, comfort, and absorb others’ pain. You make them feel seen, loved, and temporarily healed. But in the process, you may give more than you can sustain — because you’re wired to care deeply and fix what’s broken.

If this describes you, there’s a good chance you’re an empath, people-pleaser, and/or emotional enabler. And while your heart is powerful, even it has limits. Are you an Empath? Take the test and find out!

When the Love Supply Is Cut Off

In most dysfunctional relationships, someone eventually breaks the emotional contract by cutting off the steady stream of love, affection, and attention—what many narcissists rely on as their narcissistic supply. This “supply” acts like a drug, providing validation and emotional fuel for the dysfunctional partner.

Usually, it’s the victim—the one who has endured repeated hurt—who stops giving the overwhelming love and care they once did. After being emotionally drained, they finally withdraw. But to the narcissistic or emotionally toxic partner, this withdrawal feels like an attack. In their distorted view, the victim becomes the abuser for withholding love and no longer feeding their narcissistic supply.

This is often the root of the intense blame-shifting, lying, and manipulation in toxic relationships. The person with toxic behaviors genuinely feels wronged because their emotional “fix” has been removed. They see everyone else as the attacker, and you—because you’re deeply empathetic—absorb their narrative, blame yourself, and try to fix it… usually at your own expense.

Related Quiz: Why are you attracting and dating the wrong men?

The Leaking Bucket Analogy

Try to follow my line of thought… 

• The unloved person is like a large, empty bucket with multiple holes. They’re constantly searching for someone to fill their bucket with love. However, the bucket never stays full because the holes won’t allow the love to remain inside.
• The victim is the water—pouring endlessly into the bucket. The victim wants the unloved person to feel full and truly loved. The victim gives and gives, often more than they can sustain. Eventually, they realize the unloved person needs more love than they are able to provide. Bitterness may set in because they spent so much time filling that bucket, only to find their own is now empty.

What happened here? The victim took on a role they weren’t equipped for. The unloved person entered the relationship just as they are, expecting to be filled and to have everything work out. The unloved person didn’t change; the victim did. The victim realized this job was beyond their skill set. The victim will always change, because they are not “all-powerful” and don’t have an unlimited supply of love to give.

The False Contract

The unloved partner didn’t lie when they said they’ve never felt “loved.” They meant it. They truly believe that you — and their past partners — were liars or manipulators. The victim promised the unloved partner (vocally or silently) that they’d give them the love they’ve always longed for. The unloved partner entered the relationship expecting to give love ifthe victim made them feel a certain way — worthy, wanted, and loved.

But when the victim couldn’t make the unloved partner feel that way consistently, the silent dysfunction began to surface.

The unloved partner then becomes upset with the victim for “breaking the contract.” The devaluing phase begins. In their mind, the whole relationship was fake. Now, the unloved partner believes they see things clearly: The victim lied. They never really loved me. They were selfish. They stopped loving me because I couldn’t fill them — but I told them I couldn’t from the beginning! They tricked me!

What they really wanted was unconditional love — love that could survive their selfishness, wounds, and emotional gaps. When the victim can’t meet that need, the unloved partner feels justified in painting them as the bad guy. In their eyes, the real betrayal wasn’t their dysfunction — it was the fact that you couldn’t love them past it.

Related Post: Can Narcissists Change? The Answer is Complicated!

The War Over Love

The victim and the unloved partner are caught in a silent war over what they each think love should look like. Both believe that relationships should make them feel powerful, whole, and fully loved. But both are wrong.

In the beginning, the victim feels like a “god” — powerful, needed, and worthy — when they’re able to fill the unloved partner’s empty bucket. But over time, they come to realize they are not God. They cannot endlessly pour love into a bottomless container. Eventually, the victim becomes emotionally depleted and begins to show signs of emptiness: bitterness, passive-aggressiveness, selfishness, isolation, depression, obsessive behavior, low self-worth, lack of joy, and more.

The unloved partner also feels like a “god” when they are being filled — when someone is pouring into them in a way that seems to validate their worth. They hope this will finally be the relationship where they feel fully loved. They sign an invisible contract in their mind and expect both parties to fulfill it. But soon, they find that this partner — like the last — is only human, incapable of providing an endless supply of unconditional love to make them feel permanently power-FULL.

The God Complex

Did you catch that nugget? Both the “victim” and the “unloved partner” felt like gods through the emotional exchange. They each depended on the other to feel good about themselves. One takes on the role of being fixed, while the other becomes the fixer.

What’s the problem with that? The only one truly equipped to fill or fix the unloved person is God. Why? Because only God can fill the unloved heart and repair the holes in their bucket — the deep wounds and distortions that prevent them from holding onto love. Until those holes are healed, love will always leak out. The dysfunctional partner needs God to heal their heart and their perception of reality.

Related Article: How I Removed Painful Memories Of Him Breaking My Heart

The Victim Has Holes Too

The victim must learn to stop trying to fill the emptiness in others — especially in emotionally unavailable or wounded partners. They also need to understand a powerful truth: it’s okay for others to feel pain, and it’s not their job to fix it. The victim, too, needs to be filled — but by God, not by codependent patterns of over-giving.

Plot twist: The victim enters dysfunctional relationships because they have holes in their bucket too. Their emptiness is temporarily filled by fixing others, making others feel loved, and people-pleasing. But people-pleasing is often a disguised form of control — a way to avoid being rejected, judged, abandoned, or seen in a negative light. It’s less about love and more about fear.

In the end, both the victim and the unloved partner were searching for the same thing: to feel loved and powerful. But they were looking for love in unhealthy, self-serving ways — and that made the relationship unstable from the beginning. Until both parties allow God to repair the holes in their own hearts, they will continue to search for love in all the wrong places. And no matter how much love they pour in or receive, it will always leak out.

They were looking for love in unhealthy, self-serving ways — and that made the relationship unstable from the beginning.

Conclusion: Empaths and Narcissists Push Away Love

Empaths often attract narcissists because both are drawn into an intense but unhealthy dance fueled by unmet needs and deep wounds. While both crave love and connection, their ways of seeking it often create pain and misunderstanding.

The narcissistic partner tends to devalue and discard anyone who begins to see their flaws or hold them accountable. They struggle to accept their own brokenness and rely on others to validate their worth and lovability. True healing for them requires personal work to develop genuine self-love that doesn’t depend on external approval.

Empaths, meanwhile, tend to hold on tightly to painful love through people-pleasing, denial, and over-giving. They often feel guilty when they experience their partners’ emotions, believing they must carry or fix that pain. This creates a cycle where their own needs go unmet, causing pain to leak out in unhealthy ways—low self-care, fear, bitterness, passive-aggressiveness, and resentment. Healing for empaths means learning to love themselves deeply and to stop relying on making others feel loved as proof of their own worth and capacity for love.

True healing begins when both empaths and narcissists recognize these patterns and take responsibility for their own growth. Empaths must practice healthy detachment and self-love, while narcissists must do the inner work to become whole on their own. Only then can authentic, lasting love flow freely and transform their relationships.

How to Stop Dating Narcissists

If you’re tired of dating emotionally unavailable, toxic, or dysfunctional partners—you’re not alone. But real change starts with you. Healing your heart and changing your patterns can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Here’s how:

1. Understand Your Needs and Set Boundaries
Recognize that your empathy and nurturing nature can attract those who take more than they give. Be clear about what you will and won’t accept in relationships to protect your emotional well-being.

2. Stop Trying to Fix Others
You are not responsible for healing someone else’s brokenness. Only God—or the person’s willingness—can truly repair their heart. Avoid taking on the fixer role, as it leads to exhaustion and imbalance.

3. Learn to Love and Value Yourself First
Don’t rely on making others feel loved as proof of your own worth. Focus on self-love and self-care. When you feel whole and valued, you naturally attract healthier relationships. 

4. Watch for Red Flags Early
Trust your intuition. If someone “needs your love”, consistently devalues you, shifts blame, or refuses accountability, these are warning signs of narcissistic behavior. Don’t ignore them.

5. Practice Healthy Detachment
Empaths often feel guilty absorbing others’ emotions. Learn to acknowledge your feelings without guilt or over-responsibility. Detach in a healthy way, so you don’t carry others’ pain as your own.

6. Seek Support and Guidance
Healing is difficult alone. Build a support system with trusted mentors, counselors, spiritual advisors, friends, and your connection with God. Accountability and guidance are key.

Get Empowered With Coaching: For personalized guidance, consider signing up for my Empowerment Coaching program. You don’t have to heal alone. With coaching, you’ll get ongoing support, accountability, and tools tailored to your unique journey toward healthier, happier relationships.

7. Take Action — Start Your Healing Journey
If you’re serious about breaking toxic cycles, my 12-chapter book Healing After Toxic Love offers a step-by-step path to recovery. You’ll learn how to:

• Identify red flags and emotional manipulation
• Heal from heartbreak and trauma
• Set healthy boundaries
• Rebuild your self-worth
• Move forward with confidence and wholeness

Order your copy or sign up for my mailing list to get Chapter 1 for free.

FAQS

1. What does a narcissist do to an empath? Narcissists often drain empaths emotionally by using them as a source of narcissistic supply—constantly seeking love, validation, and attention without reciprocating. Over time, the empath becomes exhausted, confused, and self-doubting. The narcissist may manipulate the empath’s compassion, guilt, and sense of responsibility to keep the cycle going.
2. What is love bombing, and why does it work on empaths? Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with affection and praise to quickly build emotional attachment. Narcissists often tell empaths how amazing they make them feel, making them feel special and needed. This creates a false sense of connection and secures a steady narcissistic supply.
3. Are empaths drawn to narcissists? Yes, many empaths unconsciously attract narcissists because of their deep desire to heal, fix, or nurture others. Empaths often see the potential in someone rather than the patterns of harm. Meanwhile, narcissists are drawn to empaths’ warmth, emotional availability, and willingness to give—making them ideal targets for control and dependency.
4. What is the dark side of a super empath? A super empath has heightened emotional intelligence and sensitivity—but when unhealed, this can lead to over-functioning, people-pleasing, and self-neglect. The dark side emerges when the empath continually sacrifices their own needs to “save” others, becoming resentful, drained, and even enabling toxic behavior in the process.
5. Can you be both empathetic and narcissistic? Yes, it’s possible to be both empathetic and narcissistic. A narcissistic person may feel deeply, but instead of using that empathy to connect, they use it to protect themselves from emotional discomfort. They often escape accountability by creating narratives they truly believe, because those stories bring them relief. Unlike a non-narcissistic empath who uses empathy to care for others, the narcissistic empath uses it to avoid pain.