4 Tips To Be VERY Vulnerable (+Exercises)!

how to be vulnerable with friends, men and in relationships.
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4 Tips To Be VERY Vulnerable (+Exercises)!

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Vulnerability is giving your heart to someone when you feel weak. It’s giving someone else the power to hurt you. You hope they won’t control, manipulate, or judge you… But, they may. Vulnerability is the chance you take.

Often times, we don’t give God our vulnerability because we fear he’ll let us down. Or, we might withhold information from friends and family because we fear judgement or shame. There is health in not sharing things with broken people. However, we must learn to trust God and the ones we know that God has put in our lives.

My Dream Taught Me Vulnerability:

My dream taught me what I know. — > I had a dream last-night where I went to a party with a group of girls. I was dressed in clothes that were embarrassing and didn’t feel like my own – especially since  I was comparing and others looked nicer. We entered the party building and we were going down the stairs. The stairs were unusually large and required big steps to get down it. I was tremendously scared. I held the side of the rails to get down.

A friend grabbed my hand to come down faster with her –  I didn’t want to hold her hand. But, she grabbed it nonetheless.  She ended up falling down the stairs and I couldn’t let go of her hands — So I went down further on the stairs than I would have alone. Scared and feeling out of control, I thought I’d never stop falling. We stopped at the near bottom of the steps — I was relieved.

Then, I realized that there were more steps, but this time they were smaller and tremendously steep. I was scared. I saw that people just jumped off the stairs to get to the destination (even though they hurt themselves from that high jump) because they felt the steep stairs were impossible. I barely gave the steep stairs thought; I, too, thought it was impossible and I jumped.

I thought I was dead for sure. However, I woke up in a room with a lady at her desk. I think I spoke with her about the dream? Or maybe I only thought silently ‘what could this dream mean?’ She said it sounds like the dream has to do with being vulnerable. I said to her:

“I don’t think I have a problem with vulnerability. I’m pretty transparent.”

“Maybe you don’t have a problem with vulnerability,” she said, “But it seems like you are not hungering and thirsting vulnerability.”

4:40am-ish. I woke up from this dream feeling super dumb-founded. I was like, What? I’m an honest person and I try to be vulnerable as much as possible.

My interpretation: I had on someone else’s horrible ugly clothing. It means I was so scared to be myself that I didn’t war my own clothes. I was also comparing myself to the other girls. True vulnerability means being 100% of myself and not trying to be anyone else. The girls that were there pulled me down. I believe God allowed this to happen because I was too fearful to do it by myself.

This dream referenced the bible verse that I’ve been meditating on lately – Matthew 5:6 – “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” I believe that God was inspiring me to crave continual growth in the area of vulnerability.  The big stairs were the first challenge in vulnerability. It was scary but there were side-rails to make me feel safe.

However, the new steep stairs did not have side rails, so they pushed me to trust in God in a new way to get me down safely. At those stairs, it appeared that most people abandoned their walk with God. In the difficulty of not seeing what is ahead many people choose the fast and dangerous route. I believe that God wants me (You too!) to trust in him and open my heart to him more – knowing that he will lead and protect me in everyday communications and actions.

There are other personal things the dream highlighted that I’m not able to share at the moment.

4 Tips To Be Vulnerable:

However, check out the other gold nuggets that my dream revealed: 

  1. Vulnerability is not just being HONEST. Vulnerability is “the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” Many people avoid discussions to remove conflict in relationships because they are scared of being “harmed”.  Communicating dissatisfaction or growth strategies with people we love requires vulnerability. It requires a full awareness that they might not take it well and lash out at us. But, if we love others enough we will put ourselves in that position to bring healing and mutual growth. Related Article: Building Trust: 6 Steps to Encourage People to Let You In
  2. Waiting for someone else to take the first step in vulnerability is not true vulnerability. If you get into an argument with someone, even if you did not do anything wrong, be quick to initiate conversation that will bring healing to the relationship. Be wise in taking time to heal but after healing, waste no time in reconciling with the other person!
  3. Trusting God & Biblical Wisdom in during difficult times can be an act of vulnerability. For example, someone told me that it’s okay to have sex with someone outside of marriage if I intend to marry them.  I did not want to lose the person in my life so I wanted to believe this so badly. However, I decided to follow God’s advice in the Bible even though I put myself in a place to lose what I thought was love. Ultimately, trusting God to make a way in difficult situations when you don’t know the outcome is vulnerability. Related Article: Pain & Trauma: Does God Care About Me?
  4. Know who to be vulnerable with! If you know who to be vulnerable with, then you won’t keep getting hurt by people that don’t care about you! When we get hurt we want to close our hearts to everyone…. The key is to AVOID people and situations that hurt us so bad that we close off to love. Now, I’m not saying relationships have NO PAIN… But, the people that LOVE us try their best not to hurt us and it’s much more easy to stay vulnerable and open to loving and forgiving them. Remove the one’s that won’t change, criticize, blame, and play the victim when they are trampling all over your beautiful heart.

How To Be Vulnerable With A Man

To be vulnerable in a dating relationship you have to first be confident. The truth is, if you are scared of the person leaving you or not loving all of you… You can’t be 100% yourself. Being vulnerable is letting 100% of yourself be seen (flaws, insecurities, fears, etc.) Then, the other person will have the chance to decide if that’s what they want or not.

Being vulnerable with a man is easier when you aren’t afraid of them leaving. If you are secure and know that you are the BOMB, even if they leave… You will more likely let your guard down and be your true self.

How To Be Vulnerable With A Friend

Friendships can be a tricky matter. Before you get more vulnerable with anyone, I would ask… Have you taken the time to assess if they are your REAL FRIEND? Real friends uplift, encourage, and see the best in you… Even when you are at your worst moment. They are the ones’ that can give you advice, but they do it so gently and it makes you feel like they love you.

However, if they aren’t your friends — they might judge, criticize, and hurt you when you try to be vulnerable.

Relationships are meant to carry people’s vulnerability flaws and mistakes. If you can’t carry them then you probably shouldn’t be close. Because everyone will leak and they will need someone to help them clean it up.

Vulnerability is the most beautiful gift that we can give anyone. Our soul, heart, and mind given with no desire to take it back. Full trust and a letting go of all guards. Choosing to think the best even when pain tries to tell you to question and prepare yourself for pain.

If you want someone to be able to give you this level of vulnerability… you have to be ready to hold their vulnerability with care and not bruise them when they are at their most fragile place.

I was the person that have my vulnerability so easily to everyone. I would share my thoughts, fears, mistakes, and intimate emotions with everyone and everybody.

People would give me bad advice, hurtful advice, judge me, and took the opportunity to bruise me. I realized that not EVERYONE should have all of me. And, boundaries were necessary for EVERY type of relationship.

4 Vulnerability Exercises 

  1. Journal – express EVERYTHING. write who and what you’re upset about. Write what you want to do about the situation (good or bad). express why you would or wouldn’t solve the situation in the way you want. express what you wish the other person would do. Get the point? Write EVERYTHING… If you are embarrassed of opening up to yourself… It’ll be hard to open up to others.
  2. Find someone to talk to – you need to tell someone how you are feeling. it’s best to find someone that won’t judge you. or, someone that you don’t know. I’m able to chat with you if you sign up for 20 minutes of free empowerment coaching
  3. Engaging conversations – have an intimate conversation about your biggest fears with someone you love and is safe.
  4. Watch videos or read up on tips that help you understand what vulnerability is.
  5. Watch videos or read up on tips that help you understand how to have healthy boundaries with vulnerability.
  6. Learn healthy coping mechanisms. When we are afraid of being vulnerable with God or people we tend to use toxic methods to feel better. Find out when take this QUIZ: What is your coping style?

Please share your experiences, challenges, and revelations on vulnerability below!

Christina Daniels is the founder of Adorned Heart. She is devoted to learning about human behavior and its affects on society. She received a B.A. in Psychology and M.A. in Public Policy. She hopes to use her life and academic experience to empower & heal the hearts of women!

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