10 Ways to Avoid Being Selfish This Holiday Season

We wait all year for the holiday season, don’t we? We imagine the little details—how the celebrations might look, the treats we’ll enjoy, the fun moments with loved ones, even coordinating something cute to wear together. We picture laughter filling the room, music playing in the background, and smiles all around. It’s easy to get caught up in these expectations, dreaming of everything being just so.

But here’s the thing: sometimes those expectations can make us tense, frustrated, or a little bossy without even realizing it. We hold on so tightly to our mental script that we miss the real magic happening right in front of us. This Christmas, I want to gently challenge you to let go of that need for perfection and let God write the story instead.

When you loosen your grip—even just a little—you’ll discover connection, laughter, and joy in ways you didn’t plan for. Often, it’s the small, unexpected moments—the spontaneous giggles, the shared smiles, or quiet heart-to-heart conversations—that end up feeling the most special.

The Heart of the Holidays

The true heart of the holiday season is love—family, belonging, safety, and warmth. When we forget that, we accidentally make everything about tasks, timing, and “how things should go.” But when we slow down and ask God to help us see others clearly, everything softens.

Suddenly you notice little moments where someone needs encouragement, family, space, or extra help. This shift is one of the most practical holiday kindness tips because it moves you from focusing on yourself to truly seeing the room.

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The Neuroscience of Holiday Gatherings

There’s a reason Christmas gatherings feel magical: your brain releases dopamine and oxytocin in response to things like invitations, hugs, laughter, joy, caroling, and shared meals. These chemicals not only make you feel happy but also reinforce connections and even rewire your brain to associate people and traditions with warmth and love.

Research on the neuroscience of holiday joy shows how these chemical reactions create lasting memories and strengthen bonds with those around us. That’s why the holidays feel special—it’s biology meeting love.

But there’s also a reason gatherings can feel overwhelming: your brain clings to familiarity. It wants your traditions, your rhythm, and your way. When something disrupts that, tension and frustration arise. Choosing compassion over control not only calms your nervous system but changes the emotional temperature of the whole room—this is a key part of how to be selfless at Christmas.

How to Avoid Being Selfish This Holiday Season

Here are some gentle, realistic, Christ-centered ways to shift your mindset and keep your heart focused on love.

1. Don’t try to outdo others.

Trying to look impressive—through gifts, decorations, or hosting—quietly steals your joy. When everything becomes about proving something, it’s harder to relax and truly enjoy the people around you. You don’t have to make everything perfect or compete with anyone; choosing authenticity creates a kinder, warmer atmosphere for everyone. (Philippians 2:3 (NIV))

2. Put the interests of others first at times.

This doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs, but it does mean being willing to be flexible. Maybe someone wants to watch a different movie, switch up a tradition, or eat at a time you wouldn’t choose. You don’t have to control the schedule or insist your way is the only way. Small sacrifices show love and strengthen family bonds during the holidays. (Philippians 2:4 (NIV))

3. Avoid quarreling or pushing for control.

If you feel tense because things aren’t going your way, pause and ask yourself why. Most holiday conflicts come from unmet expectations rather than real problems. You don’t have to fight for everything to be perfect; protecting peace is one of the simplest ways to avoid being selfish. (Romans 12:18 (NIV))

4. Be wise with what you bring into conversations.

Some topics—like money, achievements, or personal choices—can easily trigger tension or comparison. You don’t have to bring up heavy topics, and prying questions can unintentionally rip off a scab and cause someone to relive pain. Discretion matters; guarding your words protects the vulnerability of others and keeps hearts safe. Choosing conversations that uplift, honor, and create emotional safety is a simple but powerful form of holiday generosity. (Ephesians 4:29 (NIV))

Related Article: 5 Reasons Godly Women Don’t Gossip

5. Ask how you can make someone’s season easier.

A simple question—“How can I help?”—changes your perspective instantly. You don’t have to wait for someone to ask for help; look for opportunities to support others with childcare, cooking, or emotional presence. Serving others during Christmas strengthens connections and leaves lasting memories of care and kindness. (Galatians 6:2 (NIV))

6. Deny certain preferences for the sake of unity.

You don’t have to win every decision or shape the holiday around your preferences. Sometimes loving well means recognizing people’s limitations and easing up on expectations so the atmosphere stays peaceful. If others don’t have the capacity or desire to do things the way you envisioned, adjust gently and look for ways to help everyone feel seen.

And if your idea doesn’t happen, you can always recreate the moment later—throw a gathering in February or June and do it your way with zero holiday pressure (extra gatherings never hurt… well, most of the time, haha). (1 Corinthians 13:5, Romans 15:1)

7. Serve without being asked.

Take initiative with cooking, cleaning, organizing, or caring for someone who looks overwhelmed. You don’t have to wait for recognition or thanks; quiet service is one of the clearest ways to reflect Christ’s heart. Actions often speak louder than words in creating a peaceful, loving holiday environment. (Mark 10:45 (NIV))

8. Love bountifully—especially when it’s hard.

Choose forgiveness and mercy even when it feels difficult. You don’t have to pretend the hurt didn’t happen, but letting go protects your heart and keeps bitterness from taking root. Bringing joy, patience, and grace into the room reflects God’s love and creates a lasting impact on everyone around you. (Colossians 3:13, 1 Peter 4:8 )

9. Ask emotionally intelligent questions

When someone behaves selfishly, it’s tempting to react the same way—but that rarely leads to peace. Instead, respond with curiosity and compassion. Ask emotionally intelligent questions like, “Can you help me understand why this is important to you?” or “What’s your biggest concern about this situation?” These questions help you understand their perspective while keeping your heart soft. If you notice selfish patterns, you can gently point them out—but remember Jesus died for sinners, and choosing grace over retaliation is a powerful way to reflect His love. (Matthew 7:12 (NIV))

10. Pray for and serve the Scrooges

Sometimes someone seems determined to drain the holiday joy—through excuses, blame, or arguments. Your prayers and your actions can make a real difference. Serve them quietly, show patience, and offer small kindnesses—they may be discouraged, overwhelmed, or carrying hidden burdens. By modeling Christlike behavior, you provide an example of love and grace that can soften hardened hearts. Even small gestures of understanding or generosity can be the start of real change—maybe that’s the true Christmas miracle. (Romans 12:20–21 (NIV))

Related Article: 5 Step Plan to Cope with Difficult People

Conclusion

Ultimately, the best way to avoid being selfish this holiday season is to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). Everything you’ve been hoping to receive, or every little thing that has frustrated you, can become an opportunity to bless someone else instead. Give what others don’t deserve, show kindness where it’s unexpected, and you teach others what Christ’s love truly looks like.

Often, these small acts become teachable moments—sometimes people don’t resist because it’s wrong, they just don’t understand why it matters. When they see your heart in action, they’ll start reflecting that same love, and the generosity and joy you hoped for will multiply all around you.