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I am usually very flexible, kind, and forgiving. I pride myself on “letting the little things go.” But, sometimes I just can’t let the little things go. Just like you, I sometimes struggle with an increase in irritation, condescending thoughts, and impatience.
“The more stress you accumulate, the heavier it becomes. If you accumulate too much, the weight of carrying it can break you.” — Oscar Auliq-Ice
Why does everything bother me?
Does everything in your life feel like it’s out of control? Do you try to control the surrounding by having it ultra quiet and clean? Or do you expect people to be perfect? This may be your attempt to keep everyone and everything in order which would give you a false sense of security in the world. Sometimes when our emotional health is declining we lash out in different ways. The subconscious motive maybe: “If everyone acts according to your rulebook, and according to your expectations then you can feel peace and safety.“
Your situation or core feelings maybe different, but if you get to the root of your issue it will help you to be less irritated and bothered. After exploring my internal world, I realized that I think negatively when I’m burnt-out, in pain, and/or tired. I also realized that sometimes I ALLOW myself to get to a place of irritation due to my lack of self-care and self-love. And when I’m being unkind and rough with myself, I tend to be rough and unkind to others.
If we allow these feelings to build up it will cause us to dislike others OR overly criticize others. So, as you read this article explore your inner world and uncover anything that’s hidden within you. And then release any negative and trapped emotions which will help you create a space for positivity to thrive.
1. Discover your Undiscovered Emotions
A reason that you are irritated so quickly may be due to some type of pain, trauma, or issue that needs to be healed. Your body is signaling something is wrong. Find the moments that are causing the pain by writing down negative emotions and when they occur which will help you to reflect and heal.
When I’ve explored my emotions, I’ve realized that I’m triggered when people don’t understand me. I would get irritated quickly when I’ve felt someone taking a long time to understand what I’m saying. Now I am able to remind myself that someone needing more information to understand doesn’t mean that they don’t understand me to the best they can. What is driving your emotions?
You may not be able to do this alone. If so, invite a friend or a therapist to help you sift through your emotions. Or, you can sign up for 20 minutes of Empowerment Coaching, so I can help you through this! Remember, your negative emotions are telling you that your mental health needs some attention — quickly!
Also, here are 30 Journal Prompts to help you explore your emotions!
2. Create Emotional Boundaries
Are you giving more emotionally and physically than you’re getting back? Putting yourself in situations where you’re doing everything for others and receiving nothing in return will leave you burnt out.
If you said yes, then we are very similar. Like you, I’m the queen of people pleasing and giving others all my time. I don’t like others feeling sad around me. So, I always try to make them feel better. I often find myself ignoring my own boundaries and giving more than I’m able to. That pent up feeling of being overlooked and misunderstood is bound to happen.
But, it’s my job to have boundaries and carve out time in my life for FUN, self-care, and self-discovery. And it’s this same for you my friend. You deserve time and space for yourself.
3. Limit Your Compassion to Prevent Overload
There is something called Compassion Fatigue. This happens when you have used up all of your empathy and you’re just tired of caring.
Sounds strange right? Well, it’s a real thing. Imagine caring so deeply for the people around you, but none of your needs are being taken care of. This imbalance of caring for others often results in feeling like a victim, feeling resentment towards the people you’ve helped, and feeling alone.
It’s very important that you are in relationships and friendships where others have compassion for you and consider your feelings as well.
4. Don’t Take On Too Many Responsibilities!
Are you neglecting your list of responsibilities to do things for others? Did you notice that you’ve been stretching yourself so thin? Sometimes we have very high expectations for ourselves and treat ourselves like super human that can do it all.
Does your list of responsibilities keep piling up? Have you cleaned, practiced self-care, laughed, and worked towards your dreams lately? If not, please make it a priority and cancel some of the things you’re doing for others.
"The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others!" Sonya Friedman
5. Vocalize Your Needs
Did their behavior just start annoying you? Probably not. The agitation that you feel indicates your body is speaking to you. Your body started screaming because you weren’t listening to it and/or taking care of it. Ultimately, negative emotions are an ALARM that something is wrong.
Consider whether it’s time to speak to your loved one about how they can love you well. Ultimately, talking about it with the person might bring resolution or some type of compromise. Take the time to sort through your emotions before conversations to ensure you are not being reactive or projecting your own emotions and fears onto others.
6. Lower Expectations!
What unrealistic expectation do you have? And are you communicating them properly?
In my life, I have a deep need to feel understood. Sometimes, I expect people to read my mind and know what I need. But, we can’t just expect without communicating. When we let people know what we need to feel loved then they can take more steps to add joy to our lives rather than frustrations.
Related Quiz: Do you feel misunderstood?
7. Show yourself some Self-Love!
Often times, I’m so busy worrying about everyone else that I don’t even know how to make myself happy. Are you similar? Are you constantly worrying about how people feel and making sure they’re comfortable? I know you’re amazing at loving others, BUT you’re probably operating from an empty love.
IT is not my responsibility to make people feel better. A hyper focus on the feelings of others isn’t kindness it’s self neglect and codependence.
I’m a recovering codependent that puts people before myself. I’m learning that ONLY God can permanently fix people. I can steer them into the right direction, but they have to put in the hard-work by themselves. So Sis’, should be take a step back from control and let the universe guide the outcome? I think yes! Your life will feel lighter and you’ll have more room to love YOURSELF.
8. You gotta forgive!
Do you need or forgive anyone? Or do you need to forgive yourself?
You can figure out where the pain is by keeping track of your memories. What past memories keep popping up? What current situations are similar to past memories? Who was the bad guy in the memory (you or them)?
You may need to forgive whoever is the bad guy in the memory. Un-forgiveness causes bitterness inside. If the bitterness is not healed it will spread like a deadly disease. First it hurts your heart, brain, body… Then, it starts to come out of your mouth and hurt others. So, forgive yourself or them… Quickly.
9. People are different.
Try to respect that everyone is different. You may be very quick to think, act, and decided. But maybe others are not? Try to respect that people understand and process information at different speeds. Give people time and try to practice patience.
You may have a special talent that others don’t have. Often times people with the inner power of wisdom get annoyed with people that are not able to see the world as themselves. Try not to judge them for what they lack. Consider that you may be in this world to help others in this area?
Related QUIZ: What is your inner power?
“We tend to get irritated when we see somebody doing something that is unusual and unfamiliar to our thinking.” ― Sunday Adelaja
10. Your body needs to grieve.
If you don’t go through the full cycle of healing it will ALWAYS manifests in multiple ways.
If you can’t see where you fall on any of these categories, I would suggest speaking with someone to help you identify what are the unique things that are causing you pain. Remember, I can help you if you sign up for 20 minutes of Empowerment Coaching!
- When are you the most annoyed?
- Who annoys you?
- What annoys you about each person?
- Who do you like to be around? Why?
- Have you ever told the people why they annoy you? What happened? OR, why not?
- Do you need to learn to vocalize your needs?
- Do you feel that people hear or understand you?
- Are you always doing things for people? Who and What?
- Who is there for you?
- Are you always in a helping role?
- Name the friends you help.
- What memories keep bothering you?
- How many painful memories do you have?
- Who does the bad or hurtful thing in the memory?
- What do you wish happened in the memory? What would you change to make it a better situation?
- Do you think you ever took time to heal from all your pain? Should you?
- Who understands you?
- Who do you communicate your feelings to?
- Do you feel that you keep having the same problems?
- Why doesn’t anything change in your life?
- Do you have a problem saying now?
- Are you ashamed of your negative thoughts?
- Why? Which ones in specific?
- Do you believe you caused yourself to think negatively?
- Do you think it is fair to blame yourself? Why or why not?
- Out of the 5 people that annoy you the most, what positive things do you wish you could focus on?
- Do you need to forgive yourself or someone else? Why?
- What do you do to practice self love and pampering?
- When is the last time you pampered yourself?
- Did you feel guilty about it? Why?