Are you in a relationship where the normal love tips and advice don’t work for you? There are many different reasons why relationship advice doesn’t work for couples. However, pride may be a major reason your relationship isn’t growing.
A man is suppose to be proud but not prideful. Whats the difference between pride vs proud? A proud man is confident and happy about who is he. The proud man worked hard to accomplish emotional healing and success. He knows how hard it is to be emotionally and financially successful and he isn’t afraid to let people know about his failures and struggles on his path to greatness.
On the contrary, a prideful man is insecure and unhappy with who he is. This type of man thinks he is a loser and is easily hurt. Therefore, his fragile ego is always protecting him from the potential of people’s judgements and attacks. Therefore, the prideful man always has his guard up and has a hard time letting people see his struggles due to distrust. He may not share much about his day because he can’t bare to think about all the embarrassing moments and challenges he had.
The characteristics of a prideful person are the same signs of pride in a person: Has difficulty apologizing, doesn’t open up about fears and failures, distorts reality, doesn’t trust, has low self-esteem, is always on the defense, sees themselves as the victim, may be a perfectionist, avoids vulnerability, blames others, criticizes and judges others. These are also a few of the signs of pride in a relationship and the effects of pride in a person.
Everyone has a bit of pride. However, when you are in a relationship with someone that has too much pride it destroys the relationship. Men with broken pride and ego needs therapy and healing to grow. Specifically, he needs to rebuild his self-esteem and learn to trust other people. Because he is always on the guard, it is easy for this type of man to take your innocent behavior as an attack. Or, he may try to control you with toxic strategies so that he can feel safe around you.
5 tips to deal with pride in a relationship:
#1 Earn His Trust
Having a record of honesty and humility is important with men that deal with pride. He may not always be able to see what he is doing wrong, but he could grow to trust your opinions. People with humility seek to understand what someone is saying even if they don’t understand.
Your goal is for him to understand how you feel. You shouldn’t be focused on getting him to agree with you. Building trust means acknowledging his viewpoints and not trying to change his mind. However, you must still let him know your perspective of what he did and how it made you feel. Remember, the goal isn’t to make him feel bad or change his mind.
The goal is for him to understand how his actions affect you — not for you to be right. Getting caught up in a battle of right or wrong is prideful. You can both be right based on how you view the world.
#2 Learn His Communication Style
In a relationship two people should learn to speak each other’s language. The truth is, prideful men communicate… They just don’t communicate the way woman want them to most of the time.
A guy I dated would do a lot of heavy breathing when he was in a bad mood. I would rub his arm and ask him what’s bothering him… If he said he didn’t want to talk about it, I’d reply I’m so sorry you had a bad day and just keep rubbing his arm. Sometimes he’d just start talking. Or, he would give me random pieces of the problem throughout the day. I never nagged him for more information and let speak as he felt led.
Depending on your personality and your relationship, you can totally make his nonverbal cues work for you. If you sense something is off, you could offer to cook his favorite meal? Ask him if he just wants to watch the game tonight while you take the kids for a movie?
I know it isn’t always that easy depending on his level of irritableness and pride. However, give 120% to romance your man and learning to speak his language. Compliment him and acknowledge when he is doing things right. Try to have more positive moments of praise rather than criticism!
#3 Hold Him Accountable
You are allowed to tell your man kindly when he won’t lower his pride. You can even suggest he get therapy or both of you can do counseling together. However, there is a difference between letting him know and nagging. Once you let him know, end that subject. Choose to forgive him for that moment.
If you need to have future conversations, it should be centered around his lack of growth… Not, nit picking at everything he did wrong. I understand that this is hard to deal with, but this isn’t a cake walk for him either. Your nagging may remind him that he is a loser which pushes him to withdraw into pride even further.
If he won’t get therapy, I suggest you get therapy or try the first 20 minutes of empowerment coaching with me for FREE. Your goal is to learning how to communicate in an effective way so that you don’t push him away. Communicating that you want to fix rather than complain is very important. Your therapist can help you navigate that along with other emotional pain this relationship is causing you.
#4 Trust Your Reality
Depending on the level of pride that your man has, He may distort reality. Because the truth is too painful for him to hear he has to twist the truth. He changes the truth inside his head, but he will also try to get you to believe the lies as well. He may use manipulation, lying, blame-shifting, a victim mentality, gas-lighting, abuse, and other toxic strategies to help him cope with the pain.
Your goal is to believe what you see. For instance, If he got jealous because someone else looked at you… That’s his ego that took a hit. Remember, he feels like a loser inside and must blame others for things so that he doesn’t have to feel like the bad guy. You didn’t do anything wrong. Therapy is key here as you need to be confident that your reality is not false. If you give into his lies this will empower him to stop growing emotionally and continue abusing you.
In the beginning, he may do small things to test your ability to stand your ground. If you did stand your ground he either left, abused you, or did something that made you back down. This behavior primes a woman to be okay with abuse. Once again, speak to your therapist to see if this situation has escalated in a way where you need to leave (physical and emotional abuse are never okay)!
#5 Be Completely Humble
How do you fight pride? You fight pride with a huge amount of humility. Be prepared, the prideful man will bring every prideful charactersistic out of you.
For instance, he may not talk to you for days because he is angry. Or, he may blame the problem on you because he can’t accept guilt. If you are planning to stay with him — Your job is to respond with truth and love. You’re not allowed to get angry back. You are not allowed to do anything revengeful. You aren’t allowed to keep bringing up what he did to make him feel bad.
It’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about reaching a solution. Get therapy if you need it — To heal and decide if this is the relationship for you. Make sure that you are practicing self-love so your love tank doesn’t go empty. However, the prideful man will not be humble with you if your response to his pride is pride.
#6 Pray for Him
Pride is caused by trauma. On top of needing healing, He needs God to give him the strength to be more humble. God’s power is need to remove His distrust. The prideful man needs God to heal his broken self-confidence and give him the strength to love himself.
Ultimately, the causes of pride are different for different men. However, the insecure man needs to show off, put on a fake personality, and refuse to admit to doing wrong. He has not learned that it’s okay to be himself and that the world doesn’t need him to be perfect.
As the partner of a prideful person, it is your job to hold him accountable to growing. However, you should also be the type of woman that helps him to know it’s safe to be himself. When you win the trust of a man He will give you his entire heart. But remember, He has to WANT to change (free-will)… you can love and pray for him better than anyone else and he may still decide not to trust or lower his guard with you.