There are a lot of expectations that society puts on married couples. Some of these expectations include constantly being together, having children immediately after marriage, always smiling, combining incomes, and etc.
After getting married, couples are given an abundant amount of advice that people expect for them to follow. There are several good reasons for these rules and expectations, but they can be overwhelming for couples who are trying to learn to live and understand one another. These expectations can actually cause conflict to arise between couples. There are several things that married couples can do to remove these rules and expectations in their lives.
- Listen, but ignore the advice sometimes.
This is something that I really struggled with when I first got married. I received advice from everyone in my life. I had people who told me the same thing over and over again, as if they were demanding that I do what they say. I actually tried to take the advice and implement it into my marriage, but this just caused frustration and unrealistic expectations. One day, the idea of just ignoring the advice came to me. There are some things you can choose to actually use and implement in your marriage and there are some things that just don’t work for you. One of the best things to do is to just allow people to share their words of wisdom with you. Then, take what you want from it and ignore the rest.
- Create your own marital rules together.
This is an idea that came to me after struggling with the expectations to always attend gatherings and social events together and to combine bank accounts. I understand that the entire concept of marriage is becoming one. You’re supposed to be “one” in every aspect of your life, but why does that mean to do things the way that other married couples do? Going to social gatherings together all the time and combining bank accounts are just a few things that just did not work for my husband and I. These things just caused a lot of conflict between us, so we decided to create our own rules and do things our own way that works for us.
- Commit to one another, not to your friends and family.
It is important to remember that the only thing that matters is your commitment to your spouse. The only way that your marriage will work, is if you take the influence of others out of it and focus on the ultimate goal, which is to to have a strong and happy marriage.