There are four core things you can work on to attract Mr. Right:
- Vocalizing Your Needs
- Boundaries & Awareness
- Emotional Maturity
To identify the core issues that keep you from meeting and attracting Mr. Right you can take the quiz: Why are you attracting and dating the wrong men?
The quiz will reveal which one of the four core reasons are primarily causing you to date the wrong men!
This article is a follow-up to my YouTube video, 4 Ways To Attract Mr. Right!
In the video, I suggest that you should treat dating similarly to job hunting. When you are looking for a job you are looking to see if it fits your personality, needs, and skill set.
A good job hunter:
- makes sure that they are prepared to do the required tasks and responsibilities
- evaluates what the job has to offer
- ensures the environment is healthy
- inquires if the job has opportunities for growth
If you find the job that fits all your needs it’s okay to start off with lower pay. But, it shouldn’t disappoint because it should have most of the other major essentials: you know you are appreciated there, you’re gaining experience, you can identify growth opportunities, and you observe a healthy work culture.
Related Article: The Single Girl’s Guide To Finding Mr. Right
Similarly, you should be looking to date men that know that you are special. Mr. Right should seek to offer a healthy environment and should be actively working to be a better man. Ultimately, You and Mr. Right need to be growing in the four core areas listed below:
You need to know that you are worthy of an amazing guy. Of course you have areas to grow in but you have a lot to offer, right? Right! Date someone that can appreciate those things.
The problem starts when:
- you don’t know what’s special about you
- you don’t realize you have different options in men
- you need someone to make you feel beautiful
- you get lonely without a man
- you settle
- you think someone is “better” than you
- you think you’re better than everyone else
I suggest meeting major growth milestones in all those areas before getting into a relationship. Speak to a mentor, get counseling, work it out! Those problems do not go away in a relationship.
Those problems cause you to be blinded to the dysfunction of others. Leaving these issues unchecked makes you PREY to PREDATORS that are looking to take advantage of your insecurities, loneliness, and need for love. Also, no relationship can fill the empty holes in your heart… So, it’s just good to be all healed up to limit your suffering.
You’re goal is to become confident. To be so in love with yourself that you’d pass up every guy if he is not willing to grow and better himself. Or, be so empowered to leave a relationship that is loaded with red-flags.
Ultimately, Mr. Right needs to be on the same growth process as yourself. He should be working to heal his self-esteem. Unhealthy esteem: If he doesn’t know what he wants or self-sabotages this will ultimately lead to problems.
He will grow unhappy with you (if he doesn’t know what kind of woman he wants) or he may be scared of you leaving him and become reactive (if he self-sabotages).
Related Article: What Causes Toxic Relationships?
Two people that have healthy self-esteem is a strong predictor of emotional happiness and stability.
2. Boundaries & Awareness
Are you aware of the potential for bad in others? Are you cautious in identifying who is harmful to you or not? To find Mr. Right, you have to be aware of who the Mr. Wrong’s are… And there are A LOT of them!
To find out who Mr. Wrong is, you need boundaries in place that gives you the space and clarity to figure out if the man is pretending to be a nice guy, incompatible, or emotionally unhealthy.
How do you have boundaries?
A. Imagine that you have a safe with 5 million dollars. Who would you give the access code to? Would you give it to a guy at a bar? Would you give it to a guy with a nice suit? Would you give it to the guy that calls you every day for a month? Would you give it to the guy that says all the right things? Most of us would say no.
Let’s take this another step.
Did you know your heart and body is worth more than 5 million dollars? So, take your time and get to know people.
There are unkind people that want to take advantage of unaware people – be on the look out!
B. You need friends that help you point out red flags. Friends are not always right but they will help you see things that love has blinded you to. For more info read, How To Avoid The Wreckage When You’re Drunk In Love, to explore how to do this in-depth.
C. Pray about it. God will show you if someone is bad for you. “He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart.” -1 Corinthians 4:5 We can do everything in the physical to detect good men but sometimes things are beyond our knowledge… God will reveal that part! When he shows you that the man is wrong for you… drop Mr. Wrong and keep waiting for Mr. Right!
3. Vocalize What you Need
Do you feel confident speaking your mind? If you don’t, it’s a major red flag. Why? Because, it’s a strong predictor that you will allow others to walk all over you. Then, when things build up you may blow up! Or, you may become passive-aggressive to deal with the hidden anger.
I suggest you learn how to tell people: When something bothers you. The simple word – “No.” How you feel. What you would like. Speaking to others about how you feel will allow healthy communication. Healthy communication allows two people to talk about things to: make positive changes, stop bad behavior, understand each other, and grow closer together. If no one talks about things… One person may believe their bad behavior is fine while their partner is growing FURIOUS.
Be quick to engage in calm, kind, and healthy conversations to find solutions to your relationship problems and weaknesses. You should be practicing vocalizing your needs at work, with friends, family, etc. If you are not great at speaking up in those areas… It will be even more obvious in a romantic relationship. Whatever you are weak in will be put to the test when it comes to love. Love will expose ALL your vulnerabilities. Work on them before Mr. Right.
Related Posts: Building Trust: 6 Keys To Encourage People To Let You In
4. Emotional Maturity
Don’t play emotional games. If you want to be in love… Don’t be petty. Related Post: Are You The Queen of Petty?
Don’t be passive-aggressive. Don’t pretend your not interested when you are. Don’t make him prove himself through your self-made tests. Don’t leave him hanging.
If you’re interested in someone be honest. Be true to who you are and what you feel. If the relationship started with games it will end with games. You may end up feeling like you need to constantly do or be someone to make him stay.
He may: grow tired of games, lose interest due to your unstable emotions, be a player that loses interest after the chase, play passive-aggressive games, make you fear him leaving, be emotionally immature as well, etc.
Related Article: 5 Ways To Avoid Unhealthy Romantic Expectations
In this case, immature women tend to date immature men. If you deal with your emotions in an unhealthy manner… It’s likely you’ll attract someone that does the same. This will damage the relationship.
Overall, as you become what you want in a man (confident, mature, etc.)… It’ll be much EASIER to identify the Mr. Rights and Mr. Wrongs.
Until then: Be patient – being single can be a fabulous thing! Be careful. Love yourself. And… Keep growing.
Related Article: The Single Girl’s Guide To Finding Mr. Right